85: Questions to Ask While Decluttering to Conquer the “What If” Possibilities that Paralyze Your ADHD Brain

Facing the “What If” Trap in Decluttering

One of the biggest barriers to decluttering is the “what if” scenario, and it’s remarkably easy to talk someone else out of it while remaining completely susceptible to it with your own belongings. I’ve been facing this firsthand while helping my oldest son set up his very first solo apartment after college, and it’s brought two really useful decluttering questions into sharp focus.

The instinct to cover every possible base

When someone is starting completely fresh, with nothing yet in their new space, there’s a strong pull to hand over everything they could conceivably need “just in case.” Between hand-me-downs from grandparents and gifts from well-meaning friends, it becomes easy to accumulate a lot very quickly, especially when trying to help someone get established economically. But that same instinct, wanting to prepare for every possible scenario, is exactly what fills up our own homes over the years.

Reframing the question

Instead of asking “what if I need this someday,” flip the question. What if he gets to start his adult life without being weighed down by extra stuff he doesn’t actually need? What if the real gift isn’t stocking him up on backups for every possible scenario, but helping him avoid the guilt trap of accumulated clutter before it ever has the chance to start? He’s a natural minimalist by personality, he’s not going to lie awake worrying about lacking an orange peeler or a spoon rest. So there’s no reason to project that anxiety onto him. He also signed only a one-year lease, meaning anything extra he takes on now is something he may have to pay to move again in a year.

Applying it to your own what-ifs

Take something small, like a designated spoon rest. What would actually happen without one? You could set the spoon on a saucer and wash it later, or set it directly on the counter and wipe up the small mess when you clean anyway. And even if you keep the spoon rest, you still have to wash that too, so how much is it really saving you? The exercise is to take your what-if scenario to its most exaggerated extreme, then honestly ask whether that scenario is even realistic, and finally ask what you’d actually do if you simply didn’t have the item at all.

Choosing your battles honestly

This doesn’t mean every what-if needs to be eliminated. My linen closet, for example, holds far more spare bedding than I probably need on paper, but my house genuinely hosts thirteen family members regularly, with blow-up beds, sleeping bags, and a full couch in play. Trimming down to exactly six sets of bedding for six beds would leave me scrambling every time we have a full house, something that happens often and that I love. So instead of an unrealistic minimum, I can choose a number, one extra set built in, that reflects how life in my home actually happens, while still letting go of things I’m holding onto out of pure “what if” anxiety rather than real, recurring need.

Your practical, actionable step

Pick one item you’re keeping purely out of a what-if scenario. Walk through the exaggerated version of that scenario, ask how realistically it would actually happen, and then ask what you’d do if you simply didn’t have the item. Let that honest answer guide whether it stays or goes.

Until next time, continue to choose joy.