Trial and Tweak, Not Trial and Error
What’s better than trial and error for an ADHD brain? I actually don’t disagree with trial and error as a concept, it’s the “error” part I keep getting stuck on.
Why “practice makes perfect” doesn’t quite work either
I considered whether that phrase might be a better fit, since it gives permission to be bad at something when you first try it and allows room to evolve. I like that part. But the “perfect” part falls apart, because there isn’t one. Even the homes that look flawless on Instagram carry the stiffness of trying to maintain perfection, which is a genuinely hard way to live, especially for our brains.
The problem with “error”
Errors will happen, that’s not in dispute. But our all-or-nothing brains latch onto the word “error” and translate it into “I messed this up, which means I’m clearly not cut out for this organized life thing, so I’m done.” Trial and error also doesn’t actually tell you what to do with the error once it happens. It just names the failure without pointing you toward the next step.
A better phrase: trial and tweak
Trial and tweak reframes the same process as an ongoing evolution rather than a pass-fail test. You try something, you learn what worked and what didn’t, and you adjust. Even when something genuinely works well, it’s only going to work for a season, your life changes, your family’s needs change, your space itself changes over time. There’s no permanent, one-and-done solution to anything. So you ride what’s working for as long as it works, and when it stops working, you tweak again, no shame attached, no failure implied.
Every attempt is an education
Reframe every attempt as information gathering rather than a referendum on your ability. What worked? What needs to shift for this specific season, this specific space, this specific moment in your life? That’s the whole process, and it never really ends.
The next time you’re putting effort into something new, try thinking of it as trial and tweak instead of trial and error, and see how that shifts things.
Until next time, continue to choose joy.
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