137: Is Your Need for Perfectionism Holding You Back?

Is Perfectionism Hiding Behind Your Excuses?

Are the excuses you’re using for the state of your home actually just cleverly disguised perfectionism? I want to explore that question today.

A confession about my own excuses

I think of myself as pretty laid-back, patient, optimistic. But when I honestly examine some of the reasons I avoid tackling certain spots in my home, I have to admit they’re not really about the chaos itself, they’re about wanting to do it perfectly rather than simply making progress. My husband, an efficiency expert, just asks why not start, why not do what you can now and figure out the rest as you go. That question lands a little close to home.

We can spot it easily in others

I have a dear friend who’s a self-proclaimed perfectionist, she knows it about herself, so this won’t surprise her if she ever hears it. She loves high-quality, perfectly placed things, probably rooted in a need for control, and she’s honest enough to use me as a sounding board when she’s making excuses, because I’ll lovingly tell her it’s good enough and it’s time to move on. Everyone should have a friend like that.

The contradiction worth noticing

Here’s what’s funny about her specifically: she’s also completely enamored with natural materials and antiques, drawn to their quirky flaws and handmade authenticity. Yet when she hires work done in her own home today, she has zero tolerance for imperfection, she’s paying good money, so why can’t it be flawless? The craftspeople who made those beloved antiques were working with rudimentary tools and their own human limitations, and we revere the result precisely because of the imperfections that came through. If we extended that same grace to the people doing work for us today, would they feel freer to simply do their best rather than chase an impossible flawlessness?

Turn that same grace on yourself

If we can find charm in the quirky imperfections of a handmade object, can we extend that same generosity to ourselves? Can we put genuine effort into something and accept whatever imperfect result comes out the other side?

Perfectionism hides especially well in chaos

Look at a spot in your home you’ve been avoiding, and ask yourself honestly why. If your answer sounds like “I can’t start until I have the right organizing products,” or “I can’t afford the piece of furniture that would make it all make sense,” or “I haven’t found the time to do it all at once so I don’t want to start at all,” those are perfectionism in disguise, however reasonable they sound. Those of us living amid ADHD chaos often assume perfectionism can’t possibly be our issue, since a real perfectionist surely wouldn’t tolerate this much mess. But perfectionism doesn’t require a tidy house, it just requires believing a task has to go from chaos to fully finished in one flawless motion rather than through a lot of imperfect little steps, trial, adjustment, and discovery along the way.

Your practical, actionable step

Look around your home for the one spot you’ve been avoiding, and notice the excuse that comes to mind. If it’s really perfectionism wearing a disguise, name it as such, and start anyway, imperfectly, today.

Until next time, continue to choose joy.