175: Our ADHD Brains Can Scare Us Into Negative Thinking

The Hidden Danger of Following Subject Matter Experts

Our ADHD brains are impulsive, prone to doom scrolling for a dopamine hit, and quick to believe that somewhere out there is the one expert who will finally fix whatever we’re struggling with. I’ve said before that I’m a snake oil salesman’s best friend, because I chase that feeling of being fixed so persistently that I latch onto experts one after another. There’s nothing wrong with any of the people I follow. The danger isn’t them. It’s what our brains quietly do with them.

The experts I genuinely love following

I watch Andrea Allen (@deliciouslyfitandhealthy, and her podcast Make It Simple) for approachable fitness and eating advice, she seems to have ADHD herself and never comes across as anything but real. I follow Angela Rose Home for DIY inspiration, she’s built a beautiful story around finding empowerment through hands-on projects while raising three kids, two with autism. I love Myquillyn Smith, known as The Nester, for her cozy minimalism approach to interior design, and her new podcast House Rules. Her $10-a-month membership group was actually a model I looked to when building my own. I listen to Gretchen Rubin’s Happier podcast for habit formation and her book Outer Order, Inner Calm, which might be the most ADHD-friendly organizing book I’ve read, despite not being written specifically for ADHD readers. I lean on Carrie Green of She Means Business for the courage to do things messily and imperfectly rather than waiting to be good at something before starting. And for home-specific ADHD advice, there’s the trio I mention often: Dawn from The Minimal Mom, Cass from Clutterbug, and Dana K. White from A Slob Comes Clean.

The trap hiding inside all of that good advice

Here’s the problem: each of these women is a genuine subject matter expert in one specific niche, and they make it look effortless because, for them, it largely is, it’s what they’ve built their entire platform and often their living around. When we watch someone at the middle or late stage of mastering one specific thing, and measure ourselves against that single polished highlight, our brains start asking why we can’t figure it out too, why we can’t be as flawless at fitness and as sharp at business and as gifted a DIYer and as beautifully styled at home, all at once.

But we’re watching each of them in isolation. If you could pull back the curtain, the fitness expert’s house might be a genuine mess. The person with the stunning, styled home might struggle to eat a vegetable or ever set foot in a gym. The person who reads voraciously might have a thin social life. I’m not claiming that’s true of anyone I follow specifically, but the principle holds: don’t pick someone who does one single thing professionally, as their actual livelihood, and expect yourself to match their execution of it while also juggling everything else in your own life.

A better measuring stick

Stop measuring yourself against the one curated ball they’re choosing to show you in the air. Measure yourself instead against your own actual life: a stay-at-home parent juggling four kids and doing your best to keep everything moving, or a working parent balancing a job, a home, and relationships, whatever your specific mix of balls actually is. They’re juggling plenty too, you just never see the ones they drop behind the scenes.

Your practical, actionable step

Pick out the one or two things you already do well, the thing people actually come to you for, and let that be something to feel proud of rather than measuring it against seventeen other people’s seventeen different areas of expertise. It’s genuinely fine to be a jack of all trades everywhere else. Take the helpful bits from the experts you follow, enjoy the inspiration, and leave the comparison and despair behind.

Until next time, continue to choose joy.