145: Is Your ADHD Brain Constantly Battling Between Underwhelm & Overwhelm?

When Was the Last Time You Felt Whelmed?

I wanted to title this episode “When was the last time you felt whelmed,” but SEO had other plans. Still, stick with me on the word play, because I think it’s exactly the concept our brains are chasing. We talk constantly about being overwhelmed, too much to take action, or underwhelmed, so bored by a task we can’t bring ourselves to start it. But whelmed itself is a real word, and technically overwhelmed is just an extreme case of already being whelmed. For ADHD brains that crave a bit more stimulus than average, we’re not actually looking for calm. We’re looking for whelmed, that sweet spot in between.

Ask yourself which direction you’re off in

The next time you catch yourself stalling, scrolling instead of doing the thing you know you wanted to get to, pause and ask: am I avoiding this because it underwhelms me, or because it overwhelms me? The fix is different depending on the answer.

If it’s underwhelming you

This is the “I know exactly what to do, there’s just zero excitement in it” problem, an empty kitchen, a boring errand, something with no novelty attached. The fix is to pair it with something that genuinely makes you happy. Put on music and dance around while you clean. Call a friend you never let yourself talk to because you’re “too busy,” and promise yourself you’ll keep moving the whole time you’re on the phone. Put on a gripping podcast or true crime show and let yourself get pulled along by it while your hands keep working. Take a before picture, set a timer, race against it, and take an after picture. Seeing that comparison gives you real evidence that the progress mattered, which adds just enough whelm to get you moving.

If it’s overwhelming you

This is the paralysis version, where a task feels so big you can’t even find a starting point. The goal here isn’t to make the task easy, it’s still going to be hard, just not doubly hard. Pull it down from overwhelmed into whelmed by reminding yourself you don’t have to finish it today, you just need one step in the right direction. My own example: I was recently stuck on a tech issue in my community group, and anything tech-related overwhelms me even though it’s probably a ten-minute fix for someone who knows what they’re doing. My first step was simply Googling the exact phrase of the problem, even knowing the step-by-step guide I’d find would never quite match what was actually on my screen. That’s fine. The point isn’t a perfect match, it’s a starting point.

Borrow someone else’s calm

Find someone who’s genuinely good at the thing overwhelming you, and ask them to walk you through it slowly, like you’re five, not do it for you, so you actually understand it if you hit the same wall again later. This works for tech problems, it works for a new kitchen gadget you bought to make life easier but now feels too complicated to even open the manual for, and it works for anything where the instructions assume you already know where the button is that they’re pointing at.

Borrow accountability too

If you don’t have someone in your corner already, a group setting works well for this. Post that you’re stuck, name the deadline you’re working against, and let someone check back in on you later. Coming back to report “I did it” or “I’m still stuck” both count as progress toward pulling the task out of overwhelmed territory.

Your practical, actionable step

The next time you’re avoiding something, name which direction you’re off in, underwhelmed or overwhelmed, and match the fix to it. Pair a boring task with something enjoyable, or pull an overwhelming one down to just one small, doable step.

Until next time, continue to choose joy.