160: Break this Decluttering Rule if You Have ADHD – Get Rid of Fantasy Self Clutter

Break the Rule: Get Rid of All Your “Fantasy Self” Clutter

Every tenth episode, I take a organizing or decluttering rule I think deserves a second look for ADHD brains, and offer a different way to think about it. This time it’s the popular fantasy-self decluttering technique.

What fantasy-self decluttering actually is

Search that phrase anywhere and you’ll find an endless supply of videos on it. The idea is that we buy things representing the person we aspire to be, always reinventing ourselves because we’re not quite happy with who we currently are. If you notice you own multiples of something, that’s usually the exact area you struggle in. For me, it’s office and paper organizing supplies, an area I know I’m not naturally skilled at, which is why I bring in other organizers to help clients with it, yet somehow I’ve collected a mountain of supplies meant to turn me into someone more organized on paper. You’ll see the same pattern with clothes bought for a more stylish life you don’t actually live, or kitchen gadgets bought for a meal-planning lifestyle that never materializes.

Why the standard advice can feel like a gut punch

Traditional advice here is to get real about the life you actually live now, and declutter for that life, not the “one day I hope” life. I’ve sat with clients through that exact conversation, watching them slump as they admit, no, I don’t use that, no, I don’t know when I would. It’s a real win for their space, but it can feel like squashing hope right along with the clutter.

Why I want to bend, not fully break, this one

There’s good reason behind this rule, which is why I’d call it bending rather than breaking. But if we strip away everything we were striving toward, what’s left? I don’t want anyone to sit in a minimalist, decluttered home and ask themselves, ready for what? If all your hobby supplies disappear along with the excess, you lose the actual reward you were decluttering toward, and you risk feeling like you fell off the wagon the next time you buy something for a hobby you’re genuinely drawn to.

Turn the leftover stuff into a carrot, not a guilt trip

Instead of treating every unused hobby supply as evidence of failure, pick one, maybe two, that you know genuinely bring you joy, and let that be your incentive for finishing the decluttering work. As ADHDers we tend to have a long trail of abandoned hobbies, crocheting, sewing, quilting, cross stitch, card making, scrapbooking. Ask yourself honestly about each one: was I really into this, or did I get pulled in because a friend or influencer made it look fun, and I’m not actually them? Be realistic, but hold onto the one thing you can picture yourself getting back to once the house is in decent shape and you can enjoy it guilt-free.

Keep the carrot visible, not buried

Package that reserved hobby up neatly and store it somewhere it won’t get in your way, but consider pulling one small, nice-looking piece of it out somewhere you’ll actually see it, since out of sight can too easily become out of mind. Let it remind you: once I get through a solid wave of decluttering, I get to come back to this. Then, as you do another round of organizing and free up more time, you can pull out more of it.

What to actually let go of

Use fantasy-self decluttering for the things that were never really you, clothes that don’t fit the life you live, fifty books you no longer enjoy reading, a box of crocheted stuffed animals from a phase you didn’t actually love. For each item, ask honestly: is this who I thought I wanted to be but really isn’t me, or is this something that genuinely brings me joy that I just need to hold onto until I have time for it?

Your practical, actionable step

Go through one category of “fantasy self” supplies today. For each item, ask whether it represents who you thought you’d become or something you genuinely love. Let go of the former without guilt, and set aside one piece of the latter somewhere visible as your reward for finishing the decluttering ahead.

Until next time, continue to choose joy.