The 12 Days of Chaos: A Fresh Take for the Holidays

12 Days of Chaos, Day 1: The Two Words That Keep You Centered This Holiday Season

I’m kicking off a new twist on a series I’ve run the last two Christmases, my nonlinear pending list approach to Christmas prep. This year, since our ADHD brains get bored of anything too familiar, I’m doing it a little differently, borrowing the structure of the actual 12 Days of Christmas song: introduce one new task each day, then repeat everything that came before as the days stack up, so we’re building momentum toward keeping the house together through the holidays.

Day one: add “so that” to everything

Here’s the trick for day one, our partridge in a pear tree: attach the words “so that” to the end of any task you’re about to do or any event you’re about to add to your calendar. It’s a fast way to evaluate whether something actually deserves a place on your list this year, or whether you’re doing it on autopilot.

A real example: pie night

Friends of ours hosted what they call pie night during Thanksgiving week, show up with a pie or don’t, just come visit and eat pie. The invite landed on the same evening our oldest son, who’s since moved out, was driving in for a visit. Running it through “so that” surfaced the actual competing motivations clearly: I could say yes so that my friend knows I’ll make time for something important to her, or say no so that my son knows he’s the priority.

What I actually landed on was saying yes, so that my friend felt valued, but keeping it brief, so that my son could see I was juggling both without either one losing out. I skipped making an actual pie, partly because I’m not great at it, and partly to honor that she was deliberately letting people off the hook during a stressful season. I brought a dozen cookies I’d already made for something else instead, since a pie serves about ten anyway, and her son happens to love those particular cookies. Nobody complains about a cookie next to a pie.

Where it gets more useful: catching shallow reasons

The real value of “so that” shows up when the answer you land on feels thin. Am I killing myself cleaning so that I can post my house on Pinterest? That reasoning falls apart fast once it’s spoken aloud. Am I doing this so that we can all actually relax over the holidays without stressful clutter in the way? Same task, completely different motivation, and only one of them is worth the effort.

I’ve been weighing whether to paint my dining room in the middle of an already packed season. Running it through “so that” surfaces a few different answers: so that I look like I have it together, so that people are impressed when they sit down to eat, so that I finally cross off something that’s sat on my list for four years, or so that painting the dining room becomes the first domino that gets me wanting to also straighten the foyer and clean the powder room next to it. If it’s a genuine linchpin that gets other progress rolling, that’s a real yes. If the only honest answer is impressing guests who were never going to notice the paint anyway, that same three hours is better spent cleaning around the space instead, and you’ll feel just as good about it.

Your practical, actionable step

Before adding anything new to your calendar or task list this week, finish the sentence with “so that.” If the honest answer feels shallow, let it go. If it points to something that genuinely matters to you or your family, keep it.

Until next time, continue to choose joy.